These are a Few of my Favorite Words
Spork. I don't know why but the work "spork" just cracks me up. It's so funny I had to buy a titanium spork just to be able to use it in a sentence regularly. For those of you that don't already know, a spork is a combination spoon and fork, typically made of plastic and distributed with the worst sort of fast food, such as a Mashed Potato Bowl from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
But after considering the spork, I wondered why it wasn't called a foon, which is pretty danged funny as well. Perhaps because of it's proximity to the word "buffoon" which I always think of as a nude clown. And if you have foons, why not spives, fives, knorks, or knoons?
Why stop at silverware? I'll bet there's a substantial cost savings for KFC to dish up it's carbo-lardo meals on spowls or borks, which would be a combination bowl and fork or bowl and spoon. How about that? No plastic silverware to distribute at all!
Now I should probably be patenting this idea, but how about a borkin? that's right, a combination bowl and fork that you can wipe your mouth with after you finish eating out of/with it. Awesome huh?
I'm gonna go celebrate with a borkin full of mashed potatoes, gravy, bacon, corn, cheese, and refried beans!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Interview
And today's guest topic is my interview questions from Paula:
1. Who's the sexiest world leader right now?
Angelina Jolie. While not technically a world leader, she does have a UN position and more
influence than France. She was sexy looking before she decided to make something of her life.
Now that she's got a purpose, Oooh la la la. A woman is so much more than tits and a butt.
2. What's the most overrated virtue?
Well, cause i'm grounded in classicism I'm gonna select from the original seven virtues: Chastity, Abstinence, Liberality, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility, and the winner is ... Chastity.
Chastity is overrated because it represents a fundamentally incorrect philosophy that physicality is divorced from spirituality. There is no reason that you can't masturbate yourself closer to God (probably best if you don't overindulge, but that's Abstinence, which I feel is a
better virtue) and really sex is better if it means more than what it is, though I'm still trying to figure out what I meant by: "masturbate yourself closer to God"
The other problem with chastity is that it only allows sex within marriage and there are people
that function quite well without this limitation. almost every successful marriage of over ten
years that I know of contains a "Clooney clause" wherein the husband or wife is permitted to
stray in the presence of certain celebrities or even non-celebrities. Not to say that "swinging"
or "open marriage" is any secret to long term success, cause it sure doesn't seem to work out
that way for anyone I know, but that's really violating the virtue of abstinence (moderation).
Not that I interpret the virtue of abstinence in terms of moderation or abstaining from abstinence.
Ultimately my objection is to the the removal of physical experiences from the realm of the
morally acceptable behaviors. If we don't experience the awkwardness and discomfort of boffing
George Clooney for real, than how are we ever to know the real comfort, convenience, and geniune love of boffing our own spouse?
3. How would you improve the Internet?
Implement spam control at some very fundamental and irrevocable level. Freedom of speech is
all well and good but people also need freedom from venality.
4. The red pill or the blue pill?
ed pill all the way, baby. I assume we're talking about the Matrix wherein Morpheus offers Neo a choice between the blue pill (continuing to know and experience the matrix as he had always
known it, that is as reality) or the red pill (removing him from the matrix to know it as it really is.)
Philosophically, I agree with with the doctrine of the red pill, which is that virtue requires knowledge, but fundamentally I am incapable of any other behavior. I will and can and have to step outside of any position/thought/kerfuffle to see it as it appears from all angles. Usually I use this habit to find the most humorous aspect of an item, but other times I'm just making good theatre.
5. What's the one question you were afraid I'd ask?
Oh, anything verifiable. Typical man. Afraid of committment. So afraid of commitment that I won't even commit to naming the question I feared you would ask, though really, I have an inappropriately high tolerance for embarrassment, so you could really ask me anything.
And today's guest topic is my interview questions from Paula:
1. Who's the sexiest world leader right now?
Angelina Jolie. While not technically a world leader, she does have a UN position and more
influence than France. She was sexy looking before she decided to make something of her life.
Now that she's got a purpose, Oooh la la la. A woman is so much more than tits and a butt.
2. What's the most overrated virtue?
Well, cause i'm grounded in classicism I'm gonna select from the original seven virtues: Chastity, Abstinence, Liberality, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility, and the winner is ... Chastity.
Chastity is overrated because it represents a fundamentally incorrect philosophy that physicality is divorced from spirituality. There is no reason that you can't masturbate yourself closer to God (probably best if you don't overindulge, but that's Abstinence, which I feel is a
better virtue) and really sex is better if it means more than what it is, though I'm still trying to figure out what I meant by: "masturbate yourself closer to God"
The other problem with chastity is that it only allows sex within marriage and there are people
that function quite well without this limitation. almost every successful marriage of over ten
years that I know of contains a "Clooney clause" wherein the husband or wife is permitted to
stray in the presence of certain celebrities or even non-celebrities. Not to say that "swinging"
or "open marriage" is any secret to long term success, cause it sure doesn't seem to work out
that way for anyone I know, but that's really violating the virtue of abstinence (moderation).
Not that I interpret the virtue of abstinence in terms of moderation or abstaining from abstinence.
Ultimately my objection is to the the removal of physical experiences from the realm of the
morally acceptable behaviors. If we don't experience the awkwardness and discomfort of boffing
George Clooney for real, than how are we ever to know the real comfort, convenience, and geniune love of boffing our own spouse?
3. How would you improve the Internet?
Implement spam control at some very fundamental and irrevocable level. Freedom of speech is
all well and good but people also need freedom from venality.
4. The red pill or the blue pill?
ed pill all the way, baby. I assume we're talking about the Matrix wherein Morpheus offers Neo a choice between the blue pill (continuing to know and experience the matrix as he had always
known it, that is as reality) or the red pill (removing him from the matrix to know it as it really is.)
Philosophically, I agree with with the doctrine of the red pill, which is that virtue requires knowledge, but fundamentally I am incapable of any other behavior. I will and can and have to step outside of any position/thought/kerfuffle to see it as it appears from all angles. Usually I use this habit to find the most humorous aspect of an item, but other times I'm just making good theatre.
5. What's the one question you were afraid I'd ask?
Oh, anything verifiable. Typical man. Afraid of committment. So afraid of commitment that I won't even commit to naming the question I feared you would ask, though really, I have an inappropriately high tolerance for embarrassment, so you could really ask me anything.
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